THE MINIMIZER PRESENTS...
TV, MOVIE, AND BOOK REVIEWS!
INTRODUCTION
When I was just a kid I saw "Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" at a Saturday morning matinee. I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old, and yet, the sight of that tiny princess fascinated me for some strange reason. I just didn't know what it was.
Yet.
I saw several other shrinking women sequences as I grew up. The vast majority of these were on Saturday morning shows, such as "Dr. Shrinker" and "Superfriends." There was an episode of "The Lost Saucer," for example, in which the main characters (I don't exactly remember their names) went to the future and found out everyone had been shrunk because of overpopulation and food shortages. The only reason I remember that at all is because of the shrinking theme.
I remember wishing they'd do a shrinking episode of "Electrawoman and Dynagirl," but they never did. Too bad. (If it had lasted another season, I'll bet they would have.) Anyway, it wasn't until much later that I finally put two and two together and started seeking out SW on movies and TV for reasons other than innocent curiosity. I have found many, and on this page I will let you know what I think of them.
THE RATINGS
What follows are some of my personal favorites. These will, naturally, be reviewed from the SW-lover's perspective, not that of a typical movie viewer. (If you don't grok SW, read my "What's SW?" page before proceeding.) There are three categories that will be broken down individually. These will be rated either "Awful," "Bad," "Poor," "Average," "Good," "Excellent," or "Spectacular."
In addition, the overall media will then be rated on the Minimizer Scale. This is literally a yardstick, and the smaller the rating, the better! The worst possible rating is 3 feet (the whole stick). A truly awesome SW experience will be only one or two inches. If it's less than an inch, it's the ultimate. This is an asymptotic curve, so it's impossible to actually reach zero (much as we know the Incredible Shrinking Man will never be completely gone, no matter how subatomic he gets).
Anyway, the three categories are:
Quality: This refers to the quality of the special effects (or whatever) used to bring the shrinking effect to life. For example, "Seventh Voyage" had some of the best effects out there, while "Dr. Shrinker" was pretty bad...just people standing in front of blue screens, with the projection outline clearly visible.
Sexiness: This rates the general sexuality of the woman and/or the situation...in other words, how much you can expect the show (or whatever) to turn you on. A fully clothed, unattractive woman standing next to a prop isn't going to rate too high, while a hot, naked (or nearly so) model being probed by giant fingers is going to be spectacular. Good luck finding much of that, folks.
Interaction: This basically indicates how much you can expect the tiny woman to interact with normal scale people or things (not necessarily being picked up, but at least shown in such a way that it's obvious she's small). For example, Valerie being lifted by a giant hand in "Land of the Giants" rates high on the Interaction scale, even if the Quality isn't all that hot (in that show, it's either a bad projection shot or an obviously fake prop hand). On the other side of the Interaction scale, the "Mission Highly Improbable" episode of "The Avengers" is pretty weak, since all the characters do is walk around on a table next to a prop or two...you never actually see a small person on screen at the same time as a normal sized one.
Finally, the overall rating on the Minimizer Scale simply gives my own personal ranking of the media based on my feelings as a SW-lover. It is not simply an average of the other three categories. Obviously, this may not equal your own personal rating, but it should be somewhere in the ballpark. And, if you've never seen the item in question, you can use this category to tell if you should bother looking for it. Remember, the fewer inches, the better!
Anyway, the following items are by no means an all-inclusive list. I'll continue to add more reviews as time passes. If you want a specific item reviewed, let me know and I'll see what I can do.
MOVIES/FILM
Seventh Voyage of Sinbad
Quality: Spectacular
Sexiness: Excellent
Interaction: Excellent
Minimizer Scale: 2"
Well, it's obvious from the opening paragraph of the Introduction that this is my all time favorite SW movie. Sure, it has no sexual content, but it doesn't need it (and anything like that would probably spoil it anyway). The little princess is so damn cute, especially in those Arabian style outfits, and the emotions and dialogue are perfect. Every time I hear her say "How can you love a tiny, insignificant thing like me?" I just want to take her home myself!
In addition, the effects are spectacular. Even today you don't see projection shots as good as you do in this movie. When Princess Parisa walks across a pillow or table or whatever, looking up at giant faces looming over her, you can't see any outlines at all. It's virtually seamless. In addition, there are plenty of shots of her being looked down on by giant people (both Sinbad and the evil wizard in particular). The only thing missing is a better shot of her shrinking. I would have liked to see all of her get smaller, not just the arm...but even that is one of the best shrinking effects ever shown on screen.
Best of all, the plucky little heroine is not just window dressing in the plot. She's actually resourceful and courageous, and accepts her tiny size without too much complaint. (You get to think she even likes it, at least a little bit.) She saves the party from the Cyclops, for example, and later on goes inside the lamp to talk directly to the Genie. Despite her tiny size, they wouldn't have succeeded without her. A worthy bride for Sinbad, I say.
Bad Channels
Quality: Average
Sexiness: Average (Good if you're a boots fan)
Interaction: Bad
Minimizer Scale: 1'5"
This is one of several horrid movies that happen to feature SW (others include "Zarkorr" and "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys"). The basic plot is that this alien and his robot pal show up on Earth to capture some good-looking babes and put them in funky-looking jars. To capture the hot chicks, they first force them to dance to loud music (allowing the producers to insert a lame "music video" and thereby waste enough screen time to extend the length of the film), then teleport them into the bottles. Why the dancing and such is necessary is never really explained, and it doesn't seem to be required to snatch the final specimen, so apparently it's just something the alien (or the filmmakers) enjoyed.
At least the girls are relatively good-looking (one wears a miniskirt and boots, another a waitress outfit and boots, a third is a nurse in a negligee, and the fourth is a reporter played by MTV's Martha Quinn). However, once shrunk, they spend the movie in the funny-looking jars without ever getting out and wandering around at tiny size. The alien looks in and waves at them a couple of times, but that's all the interaction we get. In the end, most of them get out of the bottles and beat up on the crummy papier-mache alien. In the final scene, however, we see that one of them (the one on the left in the pic) didn't get restored, and is still trapped in her jar, yelling for help. That squeaky little "Hellllppp!" she emits as she bangs on the glass at least ends the film on a positive note (as far as SW fans are concerned).
Anyway, this movie is absolutely horrible, but SW fans should at least rent it once and check it out. If you like miniskirts and boots, you should enjoy a few of the screenshots.
For more clips from this movie, visit my TV & Film page.
Dollman vs. Demonic Toys
Quality: Poor
Sexiness: Good
Interaction: Awful
Minimizer Scale: 1'8"
If you thought the original "Dollman" and "Demonic Toys" movies were bad, this sequel combines both into an even worse package. The character of Dollman (an alien who stands less than a foot tall but packs some serious firepower) is stuck on Earth following the events in the first movie. He spots a newspaper article mentioning that a woman was shrunk by aliens, so of course he goes looking for her. I guess he just can't satisfy any normal sized girls at his height (though I'm sure fans of the shrinking genre could think of a few ways he could make himself useful).
Anyway, it turns out that the girl who was shrunk is the one who got left in the jar at the end of "Bad Channels" (see review above), making this film actually a sequel to THREE movies...that, in and of itself, is certainly unique. However, there's a major continuity flaw here. The actress we see on the screen (Melissa Behr) was indeed in "Bad Channels," but it's NOT the one who was left at tiny size! Behr's Nurse Ginger character escaped and helped beat up the alien, leaving a different girl was stuck in the bottle. I guess the producers figured no one stupid enough to watch "Bad Channels" would ever notice this little detail.
Anyway, forgetting that for a moment, the rest of the film involves Dollman and his new girlfriend (they of course fall for each other immediately, being the same size and all) tracking down and destroying the demonic toys. There are at least a few amusing spots (the "baby" doll gets a crush on Ginger, for example), but for the most part it's a weak adventure. Instead of using little puppets, the filmmakers just use big puppets and people in costumes. The sets are poorly done and interaction is minimal. There is a single shot in which the normal-sized policewoman (played by Tracy Scoggins in what has got to be the low point of her career) is visible behind the two tiny heroes, but it's so poorly done that it's hardly worth waiting for.
The best parts (for SW fans) are near the beginning. At the start of the movie, Ginger gets out of bed (in a desk drawer) and wanders around on a table with some giant props. Later on, she's sunbathing in a polka-dot bikini when a reporter shows up and tries to interview her. She picks up a fork to defend herself with, and that's pretty much the only scene worth the price of a video rental. Naturally, there's no interaction at all with the reporter, which is too bad. I'd have liked to see him pick her up or something, because Ginger is awfully cute in that bikini.
For more clips from this movie, visit my TV & Film page.
Zarkorr: The Invader
Quality: Good
Sexiness: Good
Interaction: Average
Minimizer Scale: 9"
Yet another lousy movie that happens to feature a tiny chick, described as a "teenage mall rat" by the protagonist, who happens to be so amazingly normal and average that he's the perfect guy to save civilization from a giant alien critter (who does a great imitation of Godzilla from the old Japanese films, but with much weaker special effects). I won't bother explaining the rest of the plot, as it's unimportant to SW fans.
The tiny girl is actually a messenger from somewhere else come to deliver a message to the main character. She isn't really that small, she just appears that way for reasons that aren't fully explained. Be that as it may, she looks fantastic in her little miniskirt, midriff-baring tank top, and white go-go-boots. (Another shrunken chick in boots. Whee!) Unfortunately, she's only in the film for a few minutes. While there, she appears on a table next to a plate and some silverware, then blips over to a shelf (see pic). There are a couple of scenes of the guy looking down at her miniature form, which makes the whole thing worth a video rental (even if he never actually picks her up).
Essentially, her only purpose in the movie is so that the director can play around with perspective shots and giant props, but we SW fans aren't going to complain, are we?
For more clips from this movie, visit my TV & Film page.
The Uncanny
Quality: Excellent
Sexiness: Poor
Interaction: Good
Minimizer Scale: 8"
To be honest, I've never seen this film (or TV show, if that's what it is...I actually don't know for sure). The only thing I know about it is from the video clip, which can be found on my animations & video page, courtesy of Maxcat.
Anyway, from what I understand of the plot from the audio, this is about a young girl who shrinks her abusive sister (or babysitter, or whatever) for revenge. The older girl gets stuck in a magic circle while the other one chants off magic words from a book. As she does, her unfortunate victim gradually shrinks smaller and smaller, at one point begging the other to stop and put her back to normal size. When the shrinking stops, though, she's only a couple of inches tall, and when a house cat shows up, she's in real trouble. Suffice to say this story does not have a happy ending.
Unfortunately, the older girl (age indeterminate but rather young) is wearing an unattractive outfit that shows nothing of her body at all (and of course it shrinks with her), so the sexiness factor of this clip is rather weak. Still, the shrinking sequence is one of the best I've seen, and the whole concept (bad girl shrinking her enemy for revenge) is an exciting one. She even shows some courage in fending off the cat. It's too bad her fate is so grisly...
Hook
Quality: Excellent
Sexiness: Average
Interaction: Excellent
Minimizer Scale: 7"
While this is one of Spielberg's weaker efforts, this is
a good film for SW-lovers, particularly those who like
the faerie folk. Julia Roberts takes on the role of
Tinkerbell and plays it up well, so that you never doubt for a moment that she's a magical creature. Just like in the legend, she can spread pixie dust that enables others to fly if they only think happy thoughts. Well, I know what my happy thoughts are when I see this lovely litle creature flit across the screen.
The special effects in this film are not bad, and the interaction excellent. Tinkerbell doesn't just walk around giant props (like in the photo) but also flies around in front of full sized people, and in one remarkable scene, walks right up the front of Peter Pan's shirt. The producers paid close attention to detail as well. In one shot, Peter (Robin Williams) leans over to look at something and his shadow passes over Tinkerbell as well as the table she's standing on. With such scenes, I had little difficulty believing Julia Roberts was really as small as she appeared.
Unfortunately, she wears an outfit that looks something like rags, and no attempt is made to make Tinkerbell look all that sexy. You do get to see Julia's long legs, which kick around delightfully during some of the flying scenes, but that's about it. In one spot, Tinkerbell puts on an attractive long dress with a plunging neckline, but this scene is short and provides no interaction at all.
This is a good film if you like your SW done in the pixie style. If you're not into fairies, you probably won't enjoy it as much as I did, though you might appreciate the excellent effects.
The Incredible Shrinking Woman
Quality: Poor
Sexiness: Worse than Awful
Interaction: Good
Minimizer Scale: 2'9"
This is another film that ranks right up there with the
worst SW disappointments of all time. I was
real happy to hear the plot at first, until I saw who was
going to play the lead role: Lily Tomlin. I mean, come on,
could they have picked anyone LESS sexy than this?
Seriously, I'm hard pressed to think of anyone that could
be less exciting for me. Well, maybe Roseanne...
They did do a reasonable job on the interaction, with Tomlin frequently wandering around on elaborate sets, and being put in various amusing situations (e.g., going on a talk show, or being pushed around in the child seat of a shopping cart). However, for a film that's supposed to be a comedy, there are precious few laughs. Plus, this movie violates one of the all-time rules of filmmaking: Don't use a man in a monkey suit. Every film ever made that includes a guy in an ape suit, with the possible exception of the original King Kong (and maybe Trading Places), sucks big time. Trust me on this. Go watch Congo if you don't believe me.
Anyhow, this is a film that COULD have been a classic for SW fans, but because of the choice of lead actress, it now sits unwatched on video store shelves. I for one would love to see a remake, with a more serious story and a better job of casting. How about Yasmine Bleeth? Now there's a shrinking woman who would be REALLY incredible.
Creme de Femme (guest review by nkondi15)
If anyone has considered purchasing the video "Creme de Femme," don't be fooled by the vidcaps you might have seen floating around. They show a girl in the traditional "schoolgirl" uniform, lying alongside various school supplies (a pencil, ruler, pencilbox, etc.). She's maybe 4 or 5 inches long. When I saw these vidcaps, I immediately tracked the video down and ordered it for 30 bucks.When I recieved it, I was treated to a pic on the box that showed 2 of the girls straddling a giant ruler, so I thought that I'd picked a good SW movie.
HOWEVER, the video is almost completely devoid of SW content. There is a brief dream sequence that is used to introduce the next segment of the video, and this is where the tiny schoolgirl makes her brief appearance. It lasts 10 seconds, at most, and she barely moves at all. In a sort of paralyzed state, she meets her "guide" who will take her through various lesbian situations. The next thing you know, the girl is normal sized again, and standing alongside the guide, and there is no more SW situation after that measly scene. The rest of the video is your average run-of-the-mill lesbian porn, but even THAT is uncharacteristically monotonous! Basically, the 2 or 3 pics that you've seen on various SW sites is literally all that's worth looking at, and as far as the video box photo is concerned, with this version posted here (click for a larger image), you don't even need to purchase that.
TELEVISION
Charmed: "Size Matters"
Quality: Average
Sexiness: Poor
Interaction: Poor
Minimizer Scale: 1'4"
Of all the shows currently on TV that had any chance at all of including a SW storyline, this is the one I was most hoping for. When I read they were going to do a shrinking episode, and that sexy Alyssa Milano would be the initial target, I was ecstatic. But then I stopped to remind myself that I've been fooled before.
Some years ago, I read in a TV Guide that there would be a shrinking theme in a show called "The Charmings." (Anyone remember that crappy series? It was at least good for some laughs occasionally.) The description in the Guide said the evil sorceress "brewed a potion that was supposed to make people lose weight, but instead made them shrink." Oh man, I thought, they're going to shrink that incredibly babelicious Snow White! So I set my VCR and waited all week, only to have the Prince drink the potion instead. What a waste!
Anyway, it was much the same with the Charmed episode. I had hoped to see the evil demon grab the tiny Alyssa Milano and laugh evilly as she cowered among his fingers. Instead, we got only a few lame shots of her running around some furniture (and with poorly done special effects, too). There is only one interaction shot, with her on a shelf and the demon's face looking at her, but even that was pretty weak. Once he grabs the other sisters, the rest of the episode is a complete waste.
The one bright spot in the episode was the shrinking sequence itself. The lightning bolt effect is obviously intended to mask the poor projection quality, but at least we get to actually see the characters get smaller and smaller until they're just a few inches tall. And that squeaky "Uh-oh!" was priceless. It's the only thing that saves this episode from being a total disappointment.
Land of the Giants (Various Episodes)
Quality: Excellent
Sexiness: Excellent (Spectacular if you're a boot lover)
Interaction: Excellent
Minimizer Scale: 4"
Despite my ongoing search for SW material while growing up, this is one of the shows I didn't see until just a few years ago. The original series aired in 1969 and 1970, back when I was still watching Sesame Street. Unlike Star Trek and other "popular" sci-fi shows, it never got around to appearing in syndication or reruns until it started appearing on Sci-Fi Channel. I was aware of it (the classic "taped to the table" still is in the Science Fiction Encyclopedia, for example) but couldn't find the show anywhere.
Once I did watch it, however, I loved it. I happen to like boots almost as much as SW, so seeing tiny Valerie in those knee-highs and miniskirts was well worth the wait. While most of the shots are forced perspective (e.g., cameras mounted high above the set) and the sets tended to be weak, the show still did a great job of making it look like the characters really were that small, and they don't have the kind of outline imaging problems that show up in most bluescreen shots.
Unfortunately, most of the episodes were poorly written, and a lot of the situations were incredibly contrived. Once I had them all on tape, I found myself just fast-forwarding past the boring show and looking for the tiny chicks.
While most viewers of this show have their own favorite scenes, mine is Valerie in the cage with the ruler being pushed around, looking for her. She's dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt with go-go boots (mmmmm...) and has to dodge around and look frightened of the giant faces peering in at her. (They can't see her for some strange reason. I won't even try to explain the plot of this odd episode.) I've watched this scene so many times I think my tape's going to break.
This is a series that demands a revisiting. I'd love to see a feature film of this (sort of like they did with "Lost in Space") or a new series. Well, we can all dream, can't we?
Here are some screen captures from this series as well as some video clips. To activate these, simply click on the images and save the ZIP files to your computer.
Betty rolls out of a giant hand
Valerie gets poked by a pencil
The Avengers: "Mission Highly Improbable"
Quality: Bad
Sexiness: Poor
Interaction: Awful
Minimizer Scale: 2'5"
The last episode of the Avengers series was this one, which featured Diana Rigg getting shrunk to a couple of inches high by a miniaturizing machine. Actually she's not the target, she'd just interfering with the plans of some evil bad guy types. I won't bother to explain the plot since I don't remember the exact details anyway. The episode was actually incredibly lame and most consider it the final straw in a series that was already going downhill when this was made.
The shrinking machine doesn't cause any kind of gradual reduction in size, but is instantaneous. There isn't even a light show, just a sound effect. When they use it on Rigg, she's standing in a field, so she just disappears (presumably lost in the grass). A perfect opportunity to show her horrified at being shrunk is lost, as they cut away and when she shows up again, she's on a table talking to Steed, apparently unconcerned about being so small. The only shrunken shots of any value are her hiding behind a telephone, and then standing by the floorboards waiting to be restored to normal. Totally avoiding any kind of interaction whatsoever, the producers even showed her moving across the floor to help untie Steed by simply showing some rippling bedsheets without even a glimpse of her passing by.
All in all, considering how luscious Diana Rigg is,
this is a pretty pathetic SW experience.
Spirit of Wonder
Quality: Excellent
Sexiness: Excellent (Spectacular for koonago fans)
Interaction: Excellent
Minimizer Scale: 3" (koonago fans 1")
While I am not a fan of anime or koonago, you don't have to be to enjoy this amazing piece of work. A martial arts expert and waitress named China accidentally gets blasted by a shrinking ray and starts to slowly grow smaller and smaller. While you never actually see her shrinking, her size changes become apparent over time. At first she's just a couple of inches shorter, but then (after apparently several hours pass) you see her again after losing a couple of feet. Fans of women in oversize clothes and shoes will love the fight scene as she tries to break up a bar brawl wearing pumps that have to be strapped onto her feet.
The next morning she wakes up and is only 1'2" tall (fortunately the screen updates us on her actual height so there's no guessing required). She climbs down from her bed, then clambers up onto a sink, where she tries to do formerly easy things like brush her teeth (she winds up using the toothbrush on her hair). Lacking anything to wear in her size, her friends give her some doll clothes. There's tons of interaction here as she meanders around at only about one-fourth her normal size.
Later we see her again at 6", wearing a specially designed outfit. Incredibly (for the viewer) she goes back to work in the bar, amazing everyone with her tiny size. She finds acceptance and actually seems to enjoy the attention the patrons give her, and although I would have liked to have seen her lifted up and checked out by some giant fingers, that's only a nitpick on what is otherwise some of the best SW animation ever.
In the end she dwindles down too small to be seen, and when the reversing beam is finally constructed, they have to sweep the house with it hoping to find her. She eventually grows back to normal size (naked, but in a tastefully done way), but unfortunately keeps growing, eventually smashing out of the house. It's a clichéd ending (already done in "The Incredible Shrinking Woman," for example) but it works just fine here.
If you're at all into SW, you need to check this out, even if you don't like anime or even cartoons in general. If nothing else it will give you plenty of ideas. You can find a cut-down capture of it here, although it's huge (25+ megabytes) and requires DIVX compatible viewing software to see it. Enjoy!
BOOKS
The Micronauts, The Microcolony, and
Revolt of the Micronauts (by Gordon Williams)
Quality: Poor
Sexiness: Bad (except for one Good cover)
Interaction: Awful
Minimizer Scale: 2'5"
This is a little-known trilogy of sci-fi books. In the future, most of the world's food supplies have been devastated by blight, and scientists are struggling to come up with a solution. One of the more radical factions develops a way to clone people at tiny size, where feeding them wouldn't be a problem. They then set up an experimental garden where they can find out how possible it is to survive in the real world.
In the first book ("The Micronauts"), a team has already gone out into the garden and gotten stuck there. A group of enforcers show up, hoping to arrest these rogue researchers, and decide to go out and capture them after undergoing the cloning process themselves. Unfortunately, as we learn, life is not easy when you're only a couple of inches tall. Insects, birds, carnivorous plants, and other dangers await, and our heroes (such as they are) encounter seemingly every possible menace they can find. (One almost gets eaten by a sundew, and another is killed violently by a scorpion...are there really gardens that have both of these things in them?). At the end they invade an ant nest to find the guy they're looking for.
It's quite an adventure, but while there are some tiny women in it, they don't really do anything sensual or exciting that SW fans would enjoy. The researchers even go so far as to explain that it's quite a psychological blow to interact with normal sized people, so they never actually see each other at all. It would have been nice to have one of the female characters picked up or something, but it never happens.
The other two are more of the same. In "The Microcolony," a colony is eventually established using tiny clones as test subjects, but they're having a problem with sterility. One girl winds up pregnant, but she flees from the colony into the wilderness, along with some other dissidents. The effort to recapture her is then complicated by the arrival of a fox in the park where the colony has been set up, as well as political problems in the base itself. Not much SW here, although the cover art is kinda nice.
In the third book, "Revolt of the Micronauts," the colony has been cut off and has to make do on its own, with their technology failing and machines falling into disrepair. More political action ensues as a power struggle takes place among the leadership, and more and more people defect to the wilderness outpost. Worse yet, a full-sized man has discovered the park and moved in. How are they going to deal with that? You'd think this would be a perfect chance for a little SW interaction, but nope. Not a chance. The best thing we get are a few of the characters running for cover as he tromps by, unaware of their existence. Sigh.
Anyway, bottom line, if you want to read an adventure about some tiny people, this is worth checking out. If you're looking for something titillating, forget it. You'll have better luck searching for SW stories on the Internet.
Small World (by Tabitha King)
Quality: Average
Sexiness: Average
Interaction: Average
Minimizer Scale: 1'2"
This is a book written in the early 1980s by Stephen King's wife Tabitha King. It's her first novel, and it's a decent attempt, but falls short of being anything to write home about. Don't listen to the blurb on the cover; this novel is anything but suspenseful, unless you're so desperate for shrinking action that you can't help flipping forward looking for it. Sadly, when you do find it, you'll be disappointed. I guess Ms. King didn't bother to check with us SW enthusiasts before penning her book, because just about any writer in the SW community could have done this much better (and many have).
In the story, a nutball named Roger Tinker has developed a shrinking machine called the "minimizer." (If you're wondering, this is not where I got my online handle...I hadn't even heard of this book until recently.) It looks like a camera and does a virtually instant shrink on anything it's pointed at. He's too cowardly to actually use the thing until he meets Dolly Douglas, who has a collection of dollhouses. First they "minimize" buildings and things to add to her collection, but when Roger learns Dolly hates TV reporter Leyna Shaw, he shrinks her and gives her to Dolly as a present. They keep her in the dollhouses while she attempts to adjust to life at her new size.
Sadly, Leyna never actually realizes what's been done to her. She takes a week or two to recover from the physical shock, during which she nearly starves to death (so she's anything but attractive for the rest of the book). Then she refuses to believe the giant face and hands around her are real, figuring they're hallucinations. She can't see beyond a few feet away, so she has no idea she's in a house, and even when Dolly puts her on the floor in a car, she still doesn't figure it out. This was personally disappointing to me, for part of the excitement of shrinking a woman comes in the moment when she suddenly realizes she's been shrunk, that sudden horror as she knows, looking up at your massive face, that she's so tiny you can hold her in your hand. Leyna never reaches this point, instead believing she's gone insane, with the predictable and frustrating result for any SW-loving reader.
There's really three sections of this novel: the beginning, where Roger and Dolly play around; the middle, where the focus is on Leyna; and the rest, where things finally start to unravel for our anti-heroes. By the time I got to the end, I didn't really care what happened as long as the story would just end. It took way too long to set up, and the conclusion, such as it was, seemed to drag on forever. At least at the end a couple of real heroes emerged, but all in all it was very unsatisfying. Even the cover (shown above) is little more than average, with a poorly drawn (for a professional picture) woman held up statically, and only a black background, with nothing else but the giant fingers to suggest her new size. The least they could have done was had her screaming in terror or trying to escape, but instead, she just dangles there, as limp as this book.
The one good thing about this story is this: It's SW, and it's in the mainstream. In other words, it's an actual, published novel in which shrinking a woman down to five inches high is a major part of the plot. This gives all us other SW writers some faint hope of maybe someday getting published.
Update: It's several days later and I still can't stop thinking about this story. While it's insufferably average, as shown in the scale rankings, it does have some bits that seem to stick in my mind. In the book they repeat the children's story that goes something like, "There was a teeny tiny woman who lived in a teeny tiny house," and so forth. Several times thereafter Roger then thinks about "teeny tiny Leyna," which for some reason has lodged itself in my brain. I curse this story for tantalizing me with such images and then never following through! It could have been done so much better...this could have been THE classic work of SW literature, but instead, every time it seems just about ready to really get good, the author ducks the issue and goes off to talk about something else. And teeny tiny Leyna really never gets to DO anything! She just sits in the dollhouse and slowly convinces herself she's crazy. All the author had to do was write a scene where she escapes, gets onto the desk and finds a radio or something, and realizes she's been shrunk. That would've been perfect and the plot could've continued exactly as before. Arrghh!!
Well, anyway, it's still the best novels with SW that I've seen. Pick it up and read it for yourself, and see if you don't agree with me...
"The Bridge" by Piers Anthony (a short story in "Anthonology," published 1985 by Tor Books)
Capsule review by Kajira
Most people know Piers Anthony as the pun-loving creator of the "Xanth" sci-fi/fantasy series. However,he is also an accomplished short-story author. In 1970 he wrote this sexy little story for "Worlds of Tomorrow" magazine. It opens with an ordinary man awakening to an extraordinary sight...a nine-inch-tall girl who wants to make love to him! Turns out that this girl, whom our hero calls "Minnie," was created by an alien race to harvest sperm, which they need for their continued survival. They tapped into the Earthling's mind and created his dream girl, with one minor difference...she is so small! No matter...the spunky Minnie milks her man in a most exciting fashion! (Rumor has it that Mr.Anthony drew a sexy illustration for this story, but I can't find it anywhere).
Fans of the real "shrunken women" genre may be disappointed, as Minnie starts out small, so there is none of the "how did i get so little?" indignation that some of us love so much. However,the sex more than makes up for it.
This story was originally named "Minnie's Crew," but the magazine editor spotted the X-rated pun (say it really fast....) and renamed it to the more sedate "The Bridge."
Thanks to NaoH_R for the copy of this book. I read it in college but couldn't find it afterwards.