Well, it was obvious what it was Mark hadn't wanted me to read. Naturally, I read it again a half a dozen times, wondering just why he was so touchy about it. Was it because he was afraid I'd get the wrong idea from what Heather said, or had she just hit a little closer to home than he wanted to admit?
I got into bed and lay there for a while, thinking about it. This wasn't the first time Heather had (essentially) told me that about Mark, but before I'd just dismissed it out of hand. After all, what did a 20-year-old know about my partner? Still, this time it was different. He must have seemed pretty desperate when he talked to Heather if he got her to write that about him. And he'd have no reason to be acting, either. In fact, if he'd been really doing his job correctly, he'd have done his best to make her think exactly the opposite.
Plus, why hadn't he taken Heather up on her offer? It wasn't like Mark to turn down a proposal from a much younger woman, especially one as eager as she had obviously been. And, I seriously doubted Mark would be so nervous about me reading the diary if Heather had really been off base. No, there had to be some kernel of truth there.
So, Mark had feelings for me, eh? Well, it made some kind of sense. That was probably why he'd been so freaked out before, when I was struggling to get over my phobia.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more things seemed to fall into place. Why hadn't I thought of this before now? Some agent I was! Mark had been putting out all the signals and I hadn't picked up on them even once!
I fell asleep before I could decide just how much he really felt for me. Besides which, that was something I really couldn't know until I talked to him again. Which, of course, would be incredibly awkward, to say the least.
I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing, sometime around noon the next day. It just felt so good to sleep in my own bed that I never even considered getting up.
The phone call was short, and was just a warning that the team was on its way over. Shaking off my tiredness, I realized I had about fifteen minutes to get ready, maybe twenty. I blazed through the shower, but didn't have time for much else other than getting dressed, and had to let them in with my hair still wet. In fact, it seemed like they got here in only about ten minutes, but I could've just been misreading the time since I was still somewhat drowsy.
The team consisted of three people. My boss, Eric Krieger, met me at the door, followed by two others I didn't know. One, a bearded man with a briefcase, was probably the doctor who'd replace my implants, while the other, a woman in her forties, was probably the company shrink. Hmm. I probably should pick a better word than that, shouldn't I?
"Just getting up, Kate?" asked Eric with a laugh as the three of them came inside. "I guess I can understand that, after what you've been through."
"Yeah, it was nice to be back to normal," I told him, tying my hair up behind my head so it didn't get all frizzy as it dried. "I think I took too much advantage of it. You all want anything to drink? I have some beers in the fridge."
"You and your beers!" chuckled Eric. "No, nothing for me, thanks."
The others shook their heads, but I got one for myself anyway and opened it in front of them. The woman seemed to be watching me very intently, while the bearded guy just looked bored and tired. I got the impression he'd probably been sleeping on the plane.
"Well, anyway," Eric said after a moment, "this is John Masterson and Nadine Montgomery. I'm sure you can guess why they're here."
"I'm sure I can," I replied, nodding at the two. "Pleased to meet you both."
"Charmed," said John monotonously. A real perky guy, that one.
"Nice to meet you," said Nadine. Her voice was smooth and soothing, obviously a practiced effect. It hadn't slipped my notice that she'd had her eyes fixed firmly on me since she walked in the door. I tried to pretend like she wasn't there, but it didn't work. I could feel myself getting irritated and tried to suppress it.
"I know why you two are here," I said after a brief pause. "What I don't know is why you are, sir."
"Well," Eric replied with his trademark chuckle, "mostly it's for the free trip to Vegas. But seriously, I wanted to see personally if you were all right. I'm sure what happened was very traumatic."
I shrugged, knowing full well that wasn't the real answer. "Not really," I replied as evenly as I could, trying to pretend like Nadine wasn't there. "After all, I was put in this position specifically so I could get abducted. I knew it was coming. I'm just upset this wasn't the real thing, so I can get on to another assignment. You know I'm not really comfortable with this one."
"Of course," said Eric. "I've been reading the reports. Your ability to adapt to even the most distasteful jobs really reflects well on you, Kate. Rest assured it's been noted in your record."
I rolled my eyes. It sounded to me like he was buttering me up for something. Either he wanted something from me, or he was about to tell me a piece of information he knew I wouldn't like to hear. I simply nodded, pretending to accept the complement gratefully, while inside I waited for the other shoe to drop.
I didn't wait long. "Unfortunately," he went on, "I have some bad news. Our profile team has zeroed in on what we feel are the ideal qualifications for targeting. You already know most of them, but now we have a new one. Apparently, the victims are all those who seemed to like the idea of being shrunk."
I raised an eyebrow. "And?" I asked expectantly, waiting for the real bottom line.
Eric shifted in his seat. "Well, that's it, really," he told me. "You see, that means you're going to have to like it, or at least pretend to, a lot more than you have."
"Hmm," I said, pretending to contemplate that for a moment. Actually, what was interesting was how I'd already instinctively figured that out, without having actually thought of it consciously. In fact, I'd already started down that road the previous evening when I told Beth how much more used to it I was. "All right, I think I can fake that now," I said to Eric. "I'll never like it for real, but if that's what I need to do, I can do it."
"Good!" he said enthusiastically. "Glad to hear it. Now I'm going to supervise while Nadine here asks you some questions."
I sighed. "If you must, sir, you know I can't stop you, though I'd prefer any psych evals be private. With you and Mr. Masterson here, I might refuse to answer certain questions."
At that, John Masterson seemed to twitch in his seat. "Yes? What?" he asked suddenly. "Need me for something?"
"Nothing, John," said Eric. "Go back to sleep."
"Yes, sir," he agreed, and leaned back slightly in the chair. In fact, I realized now that he actually HAD been dozing. This was the guy who was going to go inside my head to replace my implants?
I didn't have much time to think about that, though. "It's all right, Kate," Nadine said soothingly. "You don't have to answer any questions you're uncomfortable with."
Suuuuure I didn't. "Well, all right, then, fire away," I replied, trying to sound more confident than I really was. This thin, frail-looking woman, who looked more like a kindergarten schoolteacher than a shr--psychologist, sorry--had the power to have me suspended virtually at any moment. I had to gauge my answers carefully, not too strong and not too weak. At least they didn't have me hooked up to a brainwave scanner, I thought.
"This won't take long," said Nadine. "Let's get started. How do you feel now that you're free from your captivity?"
I leaned back and tried to relax. Honesty would probably be my best policy throughout this interview, but I didn't want to respond too quickly, either. They looked for that sort of thing. "Relieved, mostly," I replied. "And eager to get back on the case."
"Did anything happen to you while you were a prisoner? Anything of a criminal nature, other than the kidnapping?"
I thought about that for a moment. Other than the spanking, and holding me tightly while I struggled a couple of times, Irwin had never done anything harmful to me. I suppose making me undress before showering was a borderline sexual misdemeanor, but that was as close as he came to that. "No," I said honestly. "No, he went out of his way to be nice to me."
"Why do you suppose that is?" she went on, still keeping me fixed under her penetrating gaze, like she had X-ray vision into my soul.
"Because he wanted me to love him," I replied immediately. After all, I'd already figured that part out. "He wanted me to be his pet, so he treated me with kindness, not cruelty."
"Interesting," said Nadine. "You were very lucky, Kate. Why do you think he committed suicide?"
"I'm not sure," I said, but of course I was actually very sure. "Maybe he just didn't want to go to prison."
She narrowed her eyes slightly. "Come on, Kate, you know that's not true. Don't worry about whether you're right or not. Just tell me your thoughts on why he killed himself."
"All right," I agreed resignedly. It was obviously useless trying to hide anything from her, because she'd been trained on how to read faces. I could lie pretty well, but not enough to keep that fact from anyone who knew how to look for it. "When he heard the police arrive, he admitted he loved me, and asked me if I returned the feeling. I told him I didn't, and that I couldn't, because I wasn't a pet, and I didn't like being held against my will. I think he knew I'd betrayed him, and just couldn't take that kind of rejection. He was a sick man. If he'd survived, I'd be telling you to put him in a hospital instead of prison."
"I see," said Nadine, without giving up any idea of what she was thinking about me. "Do you feel guilty about his death?"
Ah, now we get to the heart of the matter. I thought about it for a moment before answering, since I knew this was the most important question so far. Actually, I'd managed to push Irwin completely out of my mind until now, so I guess I didn't have any feelings about him at all. "Not really," I admitted. "Not guilt, anyway. If anything, I feel sorry for him, and I wish we could have stopped him before he took his own life. But it wasn't my fault or my choice, and I couldn't have done anything to help him except lie about loving him, and that might have made things worse."
"Interesting justification," she replied. "However, I believe you. And you're right, he was a sick man. He had two other suicide attempts on his file, as well as three restraining orders for stalking, all of them over a year old. Nothing worse than that, though. Were you aware that he had a sister here in town?"
"No," I replied. "He never mentioned family."
"According to the information we have, they weren't close," she replied. "However, she's taking care of the funeral arrangements. There's a service Sunday night at St. Luke's, if you're interested."
"Not really," I said. "Why would I want to go to the funeral for my kidnapper?"
"It's at seven," she went on as if I hadn't spoken. "I'm almost done for now. Just a couple more questions. How did you feel when you saw your partner for the first time after getting free?"
Huh? What did that have to do with anything? "Nothing special," I said truthfully. "Why?"
"No reason," she replied. "How do you feel about Mark Powers?"
"He's my partner," I told her. "We have a professional relationship, that's all."
"Are you sure?" she pressed.
"Yes, of course," I replied, probably a little bit too hastily.
There was no hesitation from Nadine. "Are you in love with him?" she asked directly.
"No!" I snapped. "Look, can we get back to the case now?"
"That's all right, I'm done," said Nadine. "I think I'll have one of those beers now, if that's okay."
"Sure," I answered dully. She got up and went to the refrigerator, taking her eyes off me for the first time since she arrived, and I knew the interview was over.